Ranger Boy

Can guys and girls be "just" friends? I don't know. I thought I had a best friend, he thought he had something more, and I couldn't be what he wanted me to be, and he couldn't be what I wanted hiim to be, so now we can't even talk to each other. That sucks. I love him, with all my heart. I absolutely love him, I am just not in love with him. No one has ever cared about my feelings and me the way he did, it was amazing. I've never felt more comfortable talking to someone, about so many different things. But he can't talk to me without me hurting him. So now we don't talk. I lost my best friend because I'm a girl. Granted, if I wasn't a girl, we probably wouldn't have been friends to begin with... This sucks.
All I want is my best friend back. The guy that I could talk to, who didn't make me feel crazy and wanted me to feel better. I want that guy back. And I'm now terrified of anyone else who purports to have this same mission, because I don't want to a) hurt them like I hurt Rob, and b) end up feeling like this again. So I keep my feelings to myself and don't tell anyone. I miss my best friend.

LCPL Daniel

"I would like to thank you again for brightening my day K. You are the type of people we would willingly give the ultimate sacrifice to ensure our rights and privileges remain intact. You have a Wonderful and Eventful life. And know you will also be in my prayers."

This was the closing line of an email I got from LCPL Daniel, a Marine, today. I wrote him as one of my LWT soldiers, and I am completely amazed that he would be able to say all this, when all I did was write a letter, and he's the one that's getting shot at all the time. That's truly incredible. These are the men and women in uniform, they are truly amazing.

This is why I write letters, and that is why I believe in our armed forces. This Marine is even younger than me, 20 years old, yet he has the ability to make that kind of judgement? I am amazed. Thank you, LCPL Daniel, you'll always be in my Prayers.

People's Feelings

I've determined that there is no rhyme or reason to mean people. I realize this is probably something most people learn early on, but to me it has been exceedingly hard to accept. I hate the fact that people aren't always just plain old nice to each other. And I understand in a political way, why some forms of antagonism might be necessary, on a global scale- that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about just plain old mean people. Or even really great people who are put into crappy situations and are forced to do mean things... which of course is even harder to accept. There is no sense to this process, there is nothing that we can do about it, except to accept that it happens, hope that it won't, and deal with it when it does. There is nothing else.
How do you not steel yourself for the inevitable then, how does one say, "self, I know that people are mean, but you must not hold that against them that one day they will probably hurt you deeply" How do you look past that and see the good potential? It is difficult for me. One on one, personally, people hurt each other very maliciously and very intentionally, and that is why I tend to be a loner, because I have as of yet been unable to look past this rather ugly aspect of human nature.