Ask and I shall receive...

Two awesome dates with a civilian.

That is all.

I'm editing this because that is not all- I want to talk about this one.

For our first date, he suggested that we go to my favorite restaurant (a small, local place with a great view and awesome fondue). We sat and talked for a while- about all kinds of things. Then, one of his bosses walked in- so I met his boss on our very first date.

Today, he emails me and says that since his boss met me the other night, the boss extended an invitation for me to a company dinner event thing that was going on tonight. So- tonight we had our second date and I met his entire company and their families. Non-traditional, yes. Trial by fire, right?

I actually spent the evening discussing my thesis and history and actual real things. His other boss (the one I hadn't yet met), grilled me throughout dinner about history and my choice to become a historian and to study modern historical conflict- and I held my own in the conversation.

Towards the end of the night, there was some discussion (not with me) that involved the pulling out of the iPhones to check some facts- at which point I leaned over to my date (who apparently seriously needs a good nickname) and mentioned that I knit my iPhone a sweater. He not only wanted to see my iPhone sweater, but then asked if he could show it to his boss. Turns out, the boss that I met originally is actually a knitter himself.

Walking me to my door, my un-nicknamed date tells me that, while this certainly wasn't a test of any sort (we joked about it on the way there)- that I performed well and held my own in some tough conversations.

Yay.

for good measure, here's the little man after my shower last night:

Am I completely insane?

It's late, and I should be in bed... but here are some things that have been on my mind lately. I don't think any of them are about knitting- so if you're not in this for the personal reflections, I would stop reading now.

1. What on earth is wrong with me that I'm only attracted to men in the military? I've gone out with several really nice, engaging and sweet civilians... with zippo chemistry. I'm talking about guys from several different industries, some of which can keep up with me in conversation and so far all of which put up with the knitting (huh. I did manage to talk about knittting). But I feel NO attraction to any of them. In fact, the idea of having to kiss them (again, in a couple cases) makes me feel like I want to vomit. Am I a military junkie? Worse... am I a townie?

2. I've been in a weird malaise state lately. Not sad or depressed, but just kind of aimless. I have aims that I know I should have- but haven't been able to be motivated to do anything... and then it hit me today- While I have personal things that are going on (work, thesis), I dont have any crazy deployment cycle to work around. Deployments have always been my time of get things done and self improvement and take care of myself... and now that Ranger Man is no longer deployed and we're no longer together, I can't even pretend that this is just like a deployment (ugh, writing this is making me tear up). Seriously, is there something wrong with me?

3. Yeah, the Naval Aviation Officer is great and I really like him, but I'm just not sure that he really likes me... and he's off on another TDY next week, so who knows what's happening with him.

4. It has to be possible to transition in to a civilian life, right? But what if I don't want to?

Or... is it that I'm just scared of something and won't let myself transition into civilian life? I know what it's like to go through constant TDY and deployments- I don't know what it's like to not have any of those. I don't know what it's like to not worry all the time, I don't know what it's like not to have the constant roller coaster of emotions. Gosh- it wasn't fun when I did it, why am I clinging to it? It's as though I can't feel anything unless there's a sense of urgency- somehow things are less real out here in the real world. As though, even though it was hard- it was real, and I knew how to do it. I don't know how to do anything with the criminal defense attorney, or the Software Sales Guy, or the executive recruiter, or the finance guy. Sidenote- I thought for sure the attorney would work. He spends his time in jail, that's got to be good for something, right? nope. nothing.

Also- at what point does it turn into me leading these other guys on? I go out with them, I enjoy talking to them but feel no spark... how many dates is acceptable to try to manufacture sparkage? I feel that when they kiss me and I want to vomit, that's a good sign that it's never going to happen- but what if they don't? Software guy is very entertaining and I very much like hanging out with him- our next date will be #3... will he try to lock lips then? can I stall him longer to try to want to kiss him?

Oh, and Webster seems to have flip-flopped on the boy issue and now seems to like them all. He's no help at all.

And it's not like this is something I'm obsessing over. I'm living my life, I'm doing my own thing- but gosh, some days (i.e. today), I just feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. Most of the time I go to work, go to dance, knit, sew, cuddle with my one true love (the one with lots of fur) and don't worry about it. Most of the time I know that I am awesome and that everything will work out. Unfortunately, this is not one of those days.

On the bright side, I made a sweater for my phone. Once I can figure out how to photograph this (how do I take a picture of my phone when my phone is what I'm using to take pictures?), pictures will be posted. Having a sweater-clad iPhone makes me insanely happy.

I'll try to post something happier and more upbeat tomorrow. For now, I needed to get this off my chest...

Best. Day. Ever.

Yesterday was quite possibly the best day ever.

It started out with a HARD two hour workshop with (literally) a belly dance superstar. You can check her out on Youtube here- she's phenomenal. It was basically two hours of drills, and I'm going to be feeling it for a few days. Right afterwards I went to the grocery store and was holding my abs the whole time, halfway afraid that they were just going to fall off my body.

I went home and took a little nap, then spent the rest of the afternoon baking brownies, before heading back into town to watch a performance by the aforementioned amazing dancer and some other local dancers. It was an evening of awesome dancing and hanging out with my dance friends.

Then, after all of *that* was done, I spent the rest of the evening with a certain Naval Aviation Officer...

Dance, Brownies, More Dance (I knitted a bit before the performance, and I wore Tuscany to the show, so there was totally knitting involved), and then a cute boy. Best. Day. Ever.

Oh yes, there was some of this too...



Snuggle time! He looks like he was about halfway through a bath in this picture- scraggly cat!

Update.

So, I'm going back to school again in the fall. No- I haven't actually finished my thesis from my last Master's degree. But I'm going to start another MA program in September. It will be here, in my hometown, and hopefully this degree will be more conducive to my PhD plans.

My classes for my last degree were awesome- COIN theory, history of genocide, the International History of the Cold War... Complete awesomeness. And I love being a historian, I really do- but I love being a historian that focuses on conflict.

Here in hippieville, my choices for fall classes include the History of American Environmentalism, and Canadian Culture and Identity.

Wow. That leaves me a bit speechless. Where's the strife? Where's the angst? Where's the violence and irrational actors? I don't know if I can sit through an entire quarter of "Canadian Culture and Identity." On the bright side- it will probably give me less nightmares than the history of genocide class did...

Sir Shedsalot is happily occupying my lap right now, happy that my dates both tonight and last night didn't materialize. Quite frankly, right this second it's hard to say that either last night's boy or tonight's boy could have made me much happier than this kitty does when he sits on my lap.



Perhaps soon, I will 'introduce' a boy or two to the blog. Well, preferably the one that I like the most... I'm really not sure how/when it's appropriate to have the "so, where is this going" talk- because until we have that talk, I am not willing to get rid of the back up plans. However, maintaining the back up plans is getting exhausting!

And why, oh why, do people keep trying to set me up with random people they know that happen to be single? I'm not going out with my boss's boyfriend's friend who is 11 years older than me and nicknamed "Squeak." Not. Going. To. Happen.