I still hate it.

I was kind of hoping that going home and seeing how it was working would make me feel better. That didn't work. I still hate it, and I'm still mad at my mom.

Ranger Man made an insightful comment, that she has no idea and doesn't realize how much she's hurt me and that's why she seems like she's acting to flippantly and insensitively to me. But I don't know that it's any of my business to be hurt. It certainly isn't my business to approve or disapprove, my business is purely adjusting and getting used to. So I keep my mouth shut and still don't really talk to her. Maybe that's the passive aggressive in me coming out, but I just don't see what good it will do to tell her that I think she's been really awful.

On the bright side, I think my subconscious is catching up with it, and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. At first, I'd dream that they were still together, but my head would know that they weren't... and waking up meant that I had to go through it all over again. Now, I dream that I'm going through learning about it, telling people about it (which I haven't really done)... and I wake up gasping and feeling completely defeated. I'm sure there's a psychological significance in the fact that now I'm dreaming further along in the process, but it sure still sucks.