Can guys and girls be "just" friends? I don't know. I thought I had a best friend, he thought he had something more, and I couldn't be what he wanted me to be, and he couldn't be what I wanted hiim to be, so now we can't even talk to each other. That sucks. I love him, with all my heart. I absolutely love him, I am just not in love with him. No one has ever cared about my feelings and me the way he did, it was amazing. I've never felt more comfortable talking to someone, about so many different things. But he can't talk to me without me hurting him. So now we don't talk. I lost my best friend because I'm a girl. Granted, if I wasn't a girl, we probably wouldn't have been friends to begin with... This sucks.
All I want is my best friend back. The guy that I could talk to, who didn't make me feel crazy and wanted me to feel better. I want that guy back. And I'm now terrified of anyone else who purports to have this same mission, because I don't want to a) hurt them like I hurt Rob, and b) end up feeling like this again. So I keep my feelings to myself and don't tell anyone. I miss my best friend.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Saturday, April 21, 2007
LCPL Daniel
"I would like to thank you again for brightening my day K. You are the type of people we would willingly give the ultimate sacrifice to ensure our rights and privileges remain intact. You have a Wonderful and Eventful life. And know you will also be in my prayers."
This was the closing line of an email I got from LCPL Daniel, a Marine, today. I wrote him as one of my LWT soldiers, and I am completely amazed that he would be able to say all this, when all I did was write a letter, and he's the one that's getting shot at all the time. That's truly incredible. These are the men and women in uniform, they are truly amazing.
This is why I write letters, and that is why I believe in our armed forces. This Marine is even younger than me, 20 years old, yet he has the ability to make that kind of judgement? I am amazed. Thank you, LCPL Daniel, you'll always be in my Prayers.
This was the closing line of an email I got from LCPL Daniel, a Marine, today. I wrote him as one of my LWT soldiers, and I am completely amazed that he would be able to say all this, when all I did was write a letter, and he's the one that's getting shot at all the time. That's truly incredible. These are the men and women in uniform, they are truly amazing.
This is why I write letters, and that is why I believe in our armed forces. This Marine is even younger than me, 20 years old, yet he has the ability to make that kind of judgement? I am amazed. Thank you, LCPL Daniel, you'll always be in my Prayers.
Monday, April 16, 2007
People's Feelings
I've determined that there is no rhyme or reason to mean people. I realize this is probably something most people learn early on, but to me it has been exceedingly hard to accept. I hate the fact that people aren't always just plain old nice to each other. And I understand in a political way, why some forms of antagonism might be necessary, on a global scale- that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about just plain old mean people. Or even really great people who are put into crappy situations and are forced to do mean things... which of course is even harder to accept. There is no sense to this process, there is nothing that we can do about it, except to accept that it happens, hope that it won't, and deal with it when it does. There is nothing else.
How do you not steel yourself for the inevitable then, how does one say, "self, I know that people are mean, but you must not hold that against them that one day they will probably hurt you deeply" How do you look past that and see the good potential? It is difficult for me. One on one, personally, people hurt each other very maliciously and very intentionally, and that is why I tend to be a loner, because I have as of yet been unable to look past this rather ugly aspect of human nature.
How do you not steel yourself for the inevitable then, how does one say, "self, I know that people are mean, but you must not hold that against them that one day they will probably hurt you deeply" How do you look past that and see the good potential? It is difficult for me. One on one, personally, people hurt each other very maliciously and very intentionally, and that is why I tend to be a loner, because I have as of yet been unable to look past this rather ugly aspect of human nature.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Ugh, Sean Penn
Mr. Watada, seriously... it is shameful enough to shirk your own duty, and then to promote a spectacle outside post? I am so glad the true bridge people of Fort Lewis made a counter-protest, they are my heroes for today! I no longer have any stomach for Sean Penn films...
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Armageddon
It occurs to me today that I miss the days of Armageddon and Independence Day, shoot, I even miss Men in Black. I miss these days because the worst possible scenario no longer comes from outer space. There is no longer some vague, distant, science fiction threat that is the worst thing imaginable. We have seen destruction, and for the time being, it is enough for us. The incredible threat of bombings and wars are all too real, and the idea of an asteroid destroying the planet is taking a distant second place to terror, homeland and beyond.
The mindset of a society is easily determined by the films they produce and watch. There was a sort of innocence in a society who was intrigued by films about outer space and aliens, which has been eroded and replaced with films about terrorism, warfare and strife. There is a conservative movement in film. I don't mean conservative in a political sense, rather in the returning to the basics sense, a sort of fundamentalism that is manifesting itself in film. Films are based on what we know as reality, what we can relate to, and a cataclysmic asteroid is no longer in this category.
There are some things that remain the same. The heroes, they are the same. I can watch Bruce Willis in Armageddon and see the sense of responsibility and honor and duty that are protrayed in the soldiers depicted in today's war films. Watching the bravery of the men and women who were sent to destroy an asteroid, or fight off aliens, remind the audience of the brave men and women who are today fighting al-Qaeda and insurgents. Today, there are amazing heroes to look to every day, we don't need to dream up wild scenarios for them to prove themselves, they do it every day, and they do it for much longer than an average movie.
I liked the days of Armageddon-ish films. I liked the days when I could sit in a movie theater, be taken to the end of days, and then be brought back. Because today, I don't have to sit in the movie theater to do that. I know that there are serious security threats and that there are real heroes out there who are facing very real trials. I thank God for them, and will do anything I can to help them.
The mindset of a society is easily determined by the films they produce and watch. There was a sort of innocence in a society who was intrigued by films about outer space and aliens, which has been eroded and replaced with films about terrorism, warfare and strife. There is a conservative movement in film. I don't mean conservative in a political sense, rather in the returning to the basics sense, a sort of fundamentalism that is manifesting itself in film. Films are based on what we know as reality, what we can relate to, and a cataclysmic asteroid is no longer in this category.
There are some things that remain the same. The heroes, they are the same. I can watch Bruce Willis in Armageddon and see the sense of responsibility and honor and duty that are protrayed in the soldiers depicted in today's war films. Watching the bravery of the men and women who were sent to destroy an asteroid, or fight off aliens, remind the audience of the brave men and women who are today fighting al-Qaeda and insurgents. Today, there are amazing heroes to look to every day, we don't need to dream up wild scenarios for them to prove themselves, they do it every day, and they do it for much longer than an average movie.
I liked the days of Armageddon-ish films. I liked the days when I could sit in a movie theater, be taken to the end of days, and then be brought back. Because today, I don't have to sit in the movie theater to do that. I know that there are serious security threats and that there are real heroes out there who are facing very real trials. I thank God for them, and will do anything I can to help them.
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