Snuggles For Food

A pair of socks!




Plain Vanilla, I knit the first sock on the plane on the way to the PNW for Thanksgiving and didn't finish the second sock until Christmas. My knitting mojo seems to have disappeared. This is Hazel Knits Artisan Sock Yarn in the Autumn Bounty colorway. I love the little stripes- they make me happy!

I may have also gone out with the guy that I *didn't* have a crush on high school yesterday, and he may have turned out to be a decent guy. There is more to it than that... but I'm not telling yet!

Ranger Man is following the saga with firefighter Mr. M closely, which I think is hilarious. We have also devised a program based loosely on Webster's latest dinnertime diversion tactics whereby the UN could proved a food-for-snuggles program. He seems to think it would work (since it's so nice when Webster does it), but I think that it may violate some human trafficking provisions.

Yes- that is the kind of week that I have had. Random and at times completely insane. Expect the trend to continue!

That is all for now. But tomorrow, the epic knitting month of February 2010 will begin. Watch out, here I come!

Holey Moley.

This is hard. Much harder than I thought it would be.

Send wine and chocolate.

It's interesting how even though, cognitively, I know that I've made the right decision... It's still one of the hardest things I've ever done and hurts like the dickens.

More later perhaps, after the wine wears off. There's been lots of wine to cope with today.

Hard Day

Since Ranger Man is on block leave and his parents are coming into town later this week... I needed to get the heck out of dodge. I knew it was especially bad when I not only talked to my mother about it, but was actually bawling on the phone to her a couple weeks about how much I didn't want to have to deal with his mother. So she bought me a plane ticket to come home for the week, and the journey started today.


There's not a lot of time between now and Ranger Man's next deployment, and that time is going to be filled up with a lot of long training days. I think it really dawned on him in the last few days that I really am leaving. Maybe not, maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part (hey, I can still want to be missed, right?). Last night, when I was packing, he was clearly upset- although when I questioned him about it, he said it was about work. Whatever.

He dropped me off at the airport early this morning, and it was really hard. Much harder than I expected. I had tears rolling down my face before he pulled away- as much as I know that this is the right decisions, that doesn't mean that I want him to just let me go. He kept saying how much he was going to miss me, blah blah... and then he just let me walk into the airport.

Until I left Atlanta (after my connecting flight), I was in tears pretty much the whole time. I suppose it's good, because I'm finally having a chance to mourn the relationship properly- but somehow that knowledge doesn't make it hurt less. I mean, I *knew* that he wasn't going to all of a sudden have a come-to-Jesus moment and realize that he couldn't live without me. And I also knew that even if he did, I still wouldn't stay. But it still aches that he's letting me walk away like this.

And, to top off the day, once I finally got here ( a mere 20 hours after I left this morning), I discovered that one of my biggest fears about moving home is, indeed, true.

I left 2.5 years ago... I'm pretty sure that my brother hasn't cleaned our bathroom since then. It's gross.

To end on a good note, though... I get to hang out with this guy while I'm home. He's not as good as Webster, but he comes in a close, close second: This is Jack.

An Explanation

Where I've been/Why I've not been blogging/What's been going on:

I think I was almost afraid to blog about it (and really to talk to anybody blog-related) because for the last year so much of this blog has been Ranger Man-related and Georgia related. I think I was afraid that somehow the blog would implode without those things. But the fact of the matter is that, like my life, this blog started before Ranger Man and will continue beyond Ranger Man. So in order for my life, and this blog, to move forward, the events and feelings that I've been not sharing for the past 6-9 months need to be shared.

We all know that I moved literally across the Pacific Ocean and then across the ENTIRE United States to be here with Ranger Man and get married and have a family. We also all know that Ranger Man isn't a fan of that idea. What I've not outlined is that the longer I've been here, the less amenable to that outcome he has become. This isn't one of those things we can compromise on. Me being here for a year was the compromise and that has come and gone- and now it's time for me to do the same.

There's no hostility, there's no animosity- in fact, we're still ostensibly "together" until I actually leave, but leave I will, and soon.

I've been putting together application materials to apply to further grad programs back in the PNW so I can get on with my life. I thought about staying here, at my job, for a while longer to save money- but the fact of the matter is that I need to get away from here to heal. It's very hard to heal when I come home to him every night, or even just come home to the apartment that he pays for every night. I want to move on.

So, this blog in the coming days will continue to be about my knitting (of course), finishing up that darn thesis (of course), and my life (of course), but my life now is in transition and will consist of moving across the country, again, applications processes (which will probably include some rejection but hopefully some acceptance as well), saying goodbye to Georgia and saying hello to my hometown and my old job.

Plus- I get to experience real seasons again, which I'm indescribably happy about. It's going to by wool weather FOR REAL there! For the obligatory knitting picture of the day:



A pair of plain vanilla socks, knit on size 1s with Hazel Knits Artisan Sock in the Chuckanut Drive Colorway. Ironically, this was my "coming to Georgia" yarn- I got it while I was still living in Hawaii (but back home on Spring Break) because it reminds me of fall at home. Ironically, now they feel like my "going home" socks rather than my "coming to Georgia" socks. But I love the way that it striped in the end, and they are a perfect fit.

So, in summation of the above: Thanks for being patient with my not posting recently, but I needed a minute to figure out what was going on and to not feel like a jerk about it. My life is changing quite a bit coming up, and that will likely be reflected here. What is likely not to change is of course the knitting. Nothing that's happening is mean-spirited or hostile, but it is time to move upwards and onwards.

A little bid of this and a little bit of that

Weirdness. This feels very surreal and strange.

The TDY that was pushed back has now been cancelled altogether. For those keeping track, that leaves Ranger Man without any major movements of any long lengths of time for about four months.

Four Months? What on Earth am I going to do with him for four months straight? This weekend we had to have a talk about how if he wants to get a workout on his bicycle, he needs to go ahead and go for a ride without me. That he can do that because we don't just have the weekend together before he leaves again, so he needs to workout and he's going to need to leave me at home, and not feel guilty about that. Of course, it is hard to take my own advice and I still feel guilty when I try to write and he goes into another room to leave me alone to my random out-loud outbursts and attacking the keyboard (writing is kind of a loud process for me).

But really, that's a long time. I don't know how to have him home for that long...

Luckily, I have knitting. I finished Chapter 1 last weekend. OKay- I finished the draft and I figure that the yarn reward was partly to reward/motivate the draft completion and partly to make me feel better because first drafts are always crap and hopefully the edits will be brutal. So...

I am planning on making Liesl, and I ordered some Rowan Summer Tweed in a powder blue color to make it. I think a cotton/silk blend will be a nice garment for mid-Summer Georgia. I may have also ordered another skein of sock yarn- with the WEBS discount, the sock yarn ended up being about $1, so I really couldn't resist!

I leave you today with pictures of another completed pair of neverending socks of doom. Ranger Man's Dad is one of the best knit-wear receivers I know (ranks high up there with my Grandma, who is another knitter)- so it is ONLY for him that I would go through this again:


(Yes, the ends have been woven in since I took the pictures). Sorry about the cat butt- If I try to get cat Head in the picture, he attacks the socks and heaven forbid I try to take a picture without the King of The House in it at all!

These pictures doesn't fully capture the hugeness that are size 14 socks on size 1 needles.
Plain Vanilla Socks, The grey is Knitpicks Essential/Stroll/Whatever they're calling it these days and its tweedy. The Brown is Elann Sockittome in some sort of brown colorway. Nutmeg or something like that.

For being GIGANTIC socks, they only took about 3 weeks. By contrast, the last pair of plain vanilla socks I did for my womens' size 6.5 socks took 1 week.

I am in so much trouble

So, anyone who has spent much time around me knows that I like to knit. Perhaps "like" isn't a strong enough word- since it occupies all of my non-working/non-writing time- but the point is that it doesn't take long to figure out that knitting is a major component of my life. This includes knitting, looking at yarn online (no LYS in these parts), spending time on ravelry, and listening to knitting podcasts.

Ranger Man isn't dumb- he understands this. He fully supports and indulges my yarn habit, knowing that (a) it makes me happy (b) it keeps me busy (and happier) when he's gone and (c) aren't there worse things that I could be doing?

So, back to the yarn activities- did I mention listening to knitting podcasts? Sometimes, I'll listen to them before bed. It's a good way to clear my head from whatever icky things might be in there that give me bad dreams and focus on one thing rather than racing thoughts that also keep me up. Thus I'm usually on the look out for new knitting podcasts to listen to that are relaxing (read: few verbal tics) enough to listen to before bedtime. Right before we left for Turkey, I heard about a new one: Electric Sheep. I was listening in bed while Ranger Man was reading a book, and it was so witty and funny that I kept laughing out loud. Note: This is seriously unusual for me, I almost never laugh out loud at movies, so to laugh *repeatedly* at podcast must have been strange. He wanted to know what I was listening, so I shoved an earbud in his ear mid-giggle.

This podcast is funny, witty, intelligent and not so knit-centric as to be completely exclusive. Ranger Man has spent enough time around me that he knows a bit of knitting terms and could pick right up and follow along, and soon he was also laughing (not so unusual- he's a much better laugher than I. In fact, he watched "Madagascar 2" on the plane ride home from Turkey and he was laughing so hard and loud that I just about died of embarrassment).

He enjoyed it so much that it's become a bit of a ritual. Now, when there's a new Electric Sheep podcast, we'll listen together before bed. This podcast talks a lot about guerilla knitting, and Ranger Man has decided to make this cause his own. We'll be around town somewhere and he will, out of the blue, say "you know those boat trailers in the parking lot at the Marina? They'd be great targets for guerilla knitting" or "that statue needs a scarf."

I emailed the podcaster and told her about this strange knitting phenomenon. This Big Bad Scary Ranger Man who is enjoying listening to her knitting podcast with his girlfriend and who is championing the cause of guerilla knitting. She got such a kick out of this that she talked about us on her next podcast. (I believe it starts at about the 32 minue mark, if you're not interested in the knitting content).

Here's the part where I get in trouble. Ranger Man's mom sent me an email with some pictures of a motorcycle covered in knitting, as a sort of joke. I chuckled slightly to myself, thinking "she has no idea what Pandora's box she's just opened," and replied with some other pictures of guerilla knitting, including the tank cozy and the phone box. Not only that, I told her, but your son (and my Ranger Man) has been quite the advocate of this type of knitting, and sent her the link to the podcast.

Now, I did this with good intentions- I think that the more involved she feels in his life (and of course, the more I am instrumental in that feeling), the less snarky she will be when I see her. What I didn't count on was her sharing this podcast with Ranger Man's mentor- i.e. the ORIGINAL big bad scary Ranger Man. oops. I totally emasculated Ranger Man this weekend and it was completely on accident. He is ssooo not happy.

Is it wrong that I think it's hilarious?

Why?

So Ranger Man's upcoming TDY (#4 this summer? can't keep track) got pushed WAY back. As in, he should be home for longer than he's ever been home before (which, at 5 weeks, isn't much of a record to break).

So why, then, is this happening at the same time that my job is taking me away and OUT OF TOWN every other weekend? I'm a freaking library associate, what is with the odd hours and the travel all of a sudden?

No, I'm not bitter.

And why do I think it is incredibly adorable (in a hot and handsome sort of way, of course) that Ranger Man is playing on a soccer team? I'm not a fan of team sports, as a rule, but I think this is great. The soccer team should only last a couple weeks or two, but it amuses me, and I've not even seen him play! I had the same reaction when he played football in Super Secret Army land once. and I am SO not a football fan.

Also, I want to know why I love knitting brightly colored socks, but I will never wear them anywhere. Especially not in Georgia- they're wool! It's hot! I'm getting way ahead on Christmas knitting this summer, but I can't resist casting on socks for me as well (my feet are small- socks are almost instant gratification sometimes). I'll never wear them, but I love making them. why?

This weekend will be full of writing, knitting and enjoying home-ness.

Boring Life

Apparently, I gave myself too much credit when I said that I outsmarted Webster. As much as he loved his bed with the towel covering it, as soon as I removed the towel, he was back to not wanting anything to do with it. Why is the cat bed the only surface in the house NOT covered in cat hair!?

Ranger Man has returned from his most recent TDY for a couple weeks and then he'll leave for TDY #3 since we've been back from Turkey. It should be #4, but the first one (and the reason that we came home early from Turkey) was cancelled. This last TDY was a complete and utter disaster, so he's very stressed out about going back to work and dealing with the fallout. Me- I'm just glad to have him home for a while.

I've not been blogging, but I've been relatively productive in other areas. Thesis-izing has been consuming my spare active thoughts and knitting has been the calming-down thought work. Makes for boring times from the outside looking in.

I spent last Friday back at the archives, and came up with new evidence and ideas that should prove helpful. If I could get out of the writing slump that would be even more fantastic.

Perhaps now that Ranger Man is home for a (fleeting) little while, I'll have a more exciting and blog-worthy life. We'll see.

Best. Day. Ever.

Ranger Man learned how much fun it is to chase Webster around the apartment.

The big bad Ranger Man is chasing the big fluffy cat around the apartment and giggling. It is truly the best day ever.

We leave soon- that means I need to start packing (what, the knitting I'm taking is all ready to go, I'm set!).

Have a great weekend!

Kai Mei, take 2

In my last post, I mentioned that the Kai-Mei sock pattern was so awesome that I knit (most of) one pair in a week, and then the following week cast on a second pair?

I got a call from the FRG that night, asking me what Ranger Man's name was (no joke). We're not married, so- my name isn't the same as his, and because he's not actually married, he doesn't show up on any FRG lists of anything. So- a group of soldiers was coming home that night and someone at the FRG just happened to think of me and that perhaps Ranger Man was one of the mystery soldiers. So I got one phone call asking who the heck he was- and then a second phone call saying "yep, he'll be home late tonight/early tomorrow."

But, but... I was just about to start the toe of my sock! I didn't have any mindless knitting suitable for (what was sure to be) hours and hours of waiting! So I spent about an hour combing through pattern books, but I knew that I didn't want something that I had to look at the pattern (because hello, it was the middle of the night and dark!), so I just cast on another pair of Kai Meis. It was a good choice.



Here's a better picture of the pattern:


For now, in hopes that I won't completely burn out on this pattern, I've started a pair of garter rib socks in a special colorway for my dad's birthday/Father's Day.

I'll be casting on a different pair of socks for the upcoming plane rides though (just in case something goes awry with security...)

Where am I going on this epic plane ride, you ask? I think it will have to be a surprise, lest the poster boy for OPSEC (aka Ranger Man) deem the security threat too great. Yes- he takes it to the extreme sometimes.

But I'll have some beautiful pictures to post, hopefully!

Ranger Man Meets...

the knitting group!

Apparently, it's A-OK to leave me alone in Georgia for 4 months at a time, but try to leave the Big Bad Ranger Man alone for 12 hours and he gets lonely. Normally on Monday nights I go to the knitting group and eat dinner there (we meet at a Panera).

Ranger Man didn't have to work yesterday so he was left to his own devices and after 12 hours by himself and an almost-50 mile bike ride, he was hungry and lonely, so he called and said he would meet me for dinner "with the knitters." ha!

I think he was impressed. He's always been very supportive and indulgent of my yarn habit, but I think having a bunch of people with yarn habits all in one place was a bit unexpected. He left soon after he finished eating and left me to be with my people.

Remember the awful marathon day at work with Teddy Ruxbin? Here are the socks that I started (and almost finished one of) that day:




Kai Mei socks, out of Yarn Love Juliet yarn in the Precious Jade colorway. This pattern is so awesome that I cast on another pair the following week (more about that to come). The yarn has a distinctive smell though- I think it might be the dye? The first picture has the colors right, the second picture is shady, but you can see the detail on the foot a bit better. At any rate, this was another pair that Webster immediately attacked. Maybe he just doesn't like me wearing socks?

Ranger Man and I are busy planning our upcoming vacation (thank you to the Army for cutting that in half, by the way!), enjoying the sunny weather and having miscellaneous other adventures.

My Weekend...

This weekend I got to:

start a new pair of socks and have ample knitting time as I waited and waited and waited...

go running with my running partner...

go grocery shopping with my grocery shopping partner at the commissary...

watch my bike finally get put together (it's been sitting in a box in our living room for months now!...

feel hugged and kissed and loved over and over again...

not worry about where my cell phone was and whether I could hear it ring at every moment...

not refresh my inbox every 5 seconds...

watch someone else do the dishes... (I helped a bit. Sometimes)...

and watch Webster play with his Daddy.

It was a good weekend. Welcome Home Darling.

Not good enough.

After some sort(s) of epic misunderstanding(s), I finally managed to get on the FRG list. I've been here since July, and just now, mid April I'm finally hearing from them. I'm not too mad about that, like I said, misunderstanding characterized me and Ranger Man's understanding of whether I even wanted anything to do with the FRG, so I can't very well expect the Army to have things better under control than us, right?

So I get a call today. From someone who was much more upset than I about me not having heard from anyone. None of this is bothersome to me- it's nice to finally have someone I can call if something goes wrong, or potentially someone to talk to if I need to.

At the end of our conversation, she asked if I had any questions. The main reason I needed to have FRG contact is that I need to know when Ranger Man is coming home, and he's not really able to tell me that over an unsecure means of communication. So I asked what the process was for that. Note, this person was very nice, and it's not her fault she had to ask the question but, she had to ask...

"so, are you engaged, or are you just dating...?" to which, what am I supposed to respond? I don't even know what we are, I just say it's "rather complicated" to which she replies that I should be able to go to the meeting when they talk about when the guys come home. Probably.

I feel ill. Because we're not married, I may not get to find out when he's coming home. And I feel... ashamed... at not having a good answer for the "what's your status" question. The woman I talked to on the phone admitted that I'd been here longer than she had- but I'm not legitimate enough for someone to tell me when he might be home again because I don't have a flipping ring.

I know, logically, that she said that I probably would be able to go to the meeting. So it's probably a moot point. But it's not- because the potential was there, and because I am so embarrassed. I understand exactly why it's a potentiality, and for security reasons, I'm glad those rules are in place. Still, it hurts. Like the other wives are automatically good enough, but I have to somehow prove myself, and I don't even have anything to do so with- I couldn't even authoritatively say I am "engaged," because really I'm not.

Again- it wasn't the person I talked to's fault, if anything, she made it sound a heckuva lot less bad than it actually is. It's the situation I'm upset with, not the person...

I am so sick of this right now.

The fight that was not a fight.

First of all- the feared "fight" never materialized. Concerns were discussed (as much as they can be via email) and addressed satisfactorily.

Second of all- to clarify, I feel that it is somewhat of a luxury (if not always a welcome luxury) that I can worry about whether to address my concerns with Ranger Man or not. He's essentially a desk jockey over there and doesn't go outside the wire. If he was, I would not be even considering talking to him about my little worries while he's gone. Sometimes it's worse that we have relatively normal email conversation, without any real normality.

Third of all, here's a pretty picture from FDR's Little White House in Warm Springs, GA that my grandma and I visited when she was here. She's old enough to remember FDR, so it was something she really wanted to see. This is one of the pillars from the Little White House, I loved the vine.



And another picture of the house:



And the wishing well on the grounds:



Very pretty. It was a hazy, dreary day- which are my favorite kinds of days. They have character, sunny days don't have much character. This weekend has been extraordinarily dreary also- rain, rain and more rain. I figured out how to knit the border onto my shawl, so I'm trucking along with that quite nicely while the thunder rolls. I have also found out that it is nearly impossible to nap through a thunderstorm (although cats seem to be immune to this problem- Webster has super napping ability).

Lost my groove.

I know I posted that I wasn't being reflective or venty about two hours ago, but two hours can be a long time!

So I find myself with a question, one that I'm sure many others deal with too. Obviously, Ranger Man and I have a long-distance relationship. He's a.l.w.a.y.s. gone. So, when things come up, "waiting until he comes home" really isn't an option. Because he'll only be home for 2 weeks, and then he'll be gone again.

How, then, do I deal with conflict? When something happens that bothers me, what do I address, what do I 'let go'?

I'm not good at bottling things inside. Which, in the long run, is probably good- but in the short term it means I have a big mouth, and if things bother me, I have to address them.

So my quandry (my eternal quandry), is what do I do when something is bothering me, but I know that addressing it will cause 'a fight', or an argument? Do I get into a long distance argument? Do I dismiss it? Do I let it keep bothering me but keep it to myself?

Something happened today, and I immediately reacted to it in a non-accusatory but still "please stop that" way, knowing full well that it's going to result in a 'fight.' BUT- it's something that's been bothering me, in a twingy sort of way for a long time that just became not a twinge anymore. It's also something that I don't feel I'm being unreasonable about (although Ranger Man is sure to feel differently). So I sent a message, saying, "Darling, I love you dearly, but I need you to stop doing xxx, it kind of hurts my feelings." (I'm leaving the xxx out for now). Ranger Man is sure to respond with "You're overreacting, I'm not doing anything wrong, you're trying to be too controlling and jealous." (can you tell we've had this argument before?)

My answer for today was that I had to address it. It's been a little bit of a bother for a while, but it exploded into full-fledged concern and serious discomfort today. I had to do something about it, but I'm dreading the thought of the fight as much as I dread the thought of it happening again.

My second question for the day is this: Are non-long distance relationships easier? Because I really think I would like to try that now.

Darn, I lost my groove.

here there and everywhere

I feel no blog-motivation. I have tons of motivation for other stuff, just not blogging. I just don't feel reflective or venty or ranty or anything like that. It's actually quite nice, I've slipped into a nice little groove and for the first time since I moved here, I feel like I have my emotions and my body under control. Accordingly, less need for blogging I guess.

Ohh, look- yarn to distract you!



I ordered myself a valentine's day kit from Woolgirl. This was obviously before I knew about the camel yarn. This was the yarn in the kit- It's Madelinetosh Sock in the "Valentine" colorway. It's very pink and cheery.

Also, be distracted by Sir Shedsalot here:



That's a stack of (copies of) documents from the National Security archive about US Public Diplomacy in Iran in the 1950s that he's practically sitting on, in case anyone is wondering. There is much archive-sifting in my future.

As far as actual knitting goes- I think I'm going to frog the sweater (can you all tell I'm a process knitter?). It's too big, and while I could still wear it around the house and stuff, I don't think I would ever wear it out in public, and I'm not sure it's worth packing around for all that. Because you know I will treasure my first sweater forever and it's not like we don't move very often. So if I'm going to pack something over and over again, I want to be able to at least wear it. I haven't frogged it yet, I'm stockpiling bravery, and I may need a glass of wine or two.

And as far as Ranger Man goes... He got to call this weekend! It's nice to talk to him on the phone once every few weeks. Also- whatever black hole had been sucking up his mail finally got unstuck and he got a whole bunch of letters all at once, so hopefully his mail is getting through now. That means I can start writing letters again.

I guess I had more to say than I thought. Although it's not exactly a cohesive subject, but luckily for me it's my blog and I can do that if I want.

Reflections : This time versus last time.

This deployment has been very different than the last, and completely different from the 'other' deployment (Ranger Man and I have each been through one deployment without us).

Warning : Webster is literally in my lap right now- and my laptop is in my lap, so half the cat is sitting on the computer, making typing more of an challenge that it usually is. But he needs his snuggles and since I'm sitting here trying to convice my Lunesta-ized body that it is in fact bedtime... here we are. If Ranger Man were here, he would laugh and take a picture. Of course if he were here, Webster would be snuggling on the lap that isn't moving or otherwise occupied by electronic devices. ideally. Anyways- that's why all of the typos, I can't see what I'm doing!

This deployment is very different. I've not posted a lot of it because it's been a very personal battle that i've been fighting. Our last deployment was not typical: It was very short (he came home early to go to Super Secret Army Land), I was moving to Hawai in the middle of it, and before moving I was living with my parents, working with a wonderful and supportive group of people and had just established myself with some great friends.

Then I moved to Hawaii and went back to my default position of being more solitary. Ranger Man came home (to Ranger Local #1) soon after I after I moved to the Island. We had great mail service (well, one way- I have no idea if mail went both ways) and we wrote via email almost once a day. The email was rough, as we are really bad email communicators as a unit, but for less than two months, it wasn't that big of a deal. I could go home and talk to my mom, my dad was supportive and willing to distract with talk about biking or hiking or kayaking or climbing or whatever, my friend A from work (of Deportment fame) and I would hang or go out occasionally on the weekends and my friend Danger would take me once a week for a walk in one of the beautiful places to go for a walk in the Pacific Northwest and then we'd go out for margaritas afterwards. It was good.

This time around- it's completely different. I am completely on my own. My mom and I aren't really talking (really- I don't need to hear about how you got drunk and hula danced in a bar mom). My dad's never been the one I go to for talking, but he's trying. A and Danger are great, but they have no idea about anything in the alternate universe that is a Southern Army Base Town. At work, most of my interactions go like this: "Hey, Ms. KJ, will you do this citation for me?" "No, but have you seen this great style book? I'll show you how to do it!" "grumble, grumble."

This time around, until this morning, I had no idea when he was going home. It literally could have been any time between sometime this month to December. That was awful. Now I've got a bit better of an idea. It's not December, thank goodness, but it is certainly longer than 'typical' Ranger deployments. Now I know when hes scheduled to take block leave, so now at least I have something to look forward to. Before- it was just a bunch of days that I kept crossing off on my calendar... Now crossing them off has a purpose.

So the hardest parts of this deployment (so far) have been two fold: Feeling completely cut-off, and the utter uncertainty. And: My Grandma will be here for a week, starting next week so that will help with that, and the little tiny bit of information I got this morning definitely alleviates some of the uncertainty problem.

There have been more than a few bad days- and a couple really bad ones. But overall, it's truly going well. I'm eating better than usual and exercising more. I've got school largely under control for now and Today, I feel happy. So that's a start.

And oh my gosh- I cleaned today! Usually, Ranger Man does the cleaning (have I mentioned I love him?) But obviously, he's not here, and before he left, he cleared out his barracks room. So there was STUFF everywhere... it was terrible. He took a picture of it at its worse, I may have to post that sometime. And he seems to think that he "cleaned it up" before he left. And I think by that he means that he cleared a path or something, I don't know. And he is such a packrat! Apparently, we are in the deepest throes of a box shortage. So that means: We MUST NOT throw away any boxes. We must keep the empty boxes. Not so much. He named some specific boxes he wanted to keep before he left, and I am tossing the rest!! Good riddance.

And now, after a weekend of cleaning, It's not bad.. It's not perfect- and Lord knows we still have boxes of stuff, but they're mostly contained boxes. and put in corners. And only a couple empty ones.

Week in Review

Finals week at work has thus far been interesting, and there are two days left (Thursday and Monday).

The ethics class has the opportunity to submit their final essays early and compete in an ethics essay contest- the winner of which gets some token prize. I am one of the lucky ones that gets to grade the essays... h.o.l.y.c.o.w. painful experience.

Thankfully, the prof took pity on us graders and only sent us the 9 "best" essays out of the 23 that were submitted. I made sure to thank her for that as the 9 "best" were all still pretty terrible. There were one or two that may have been OK, C type papers, but they were the best of the bunch. One of the papers didn't mention ETHICS at.all. It was probably the most well-written essay and easiest to read, but it had nothing to do with ethics, which is what the paper was supposed to be about.

There's also been a gaggle of rumors flying around that were addressed in an SGA meeting, so now I get to meet with them and explain why you can't discuss rumors in an official capacity in an open forum meeting on campus.

The powers that be decided that it would be fun to do a new student orientation during all of this and while classes are still in session. So yesterday was filled with botched orientations. (13 is not a small group of students when I only have 11 chairs in the library).

Blegh. How's that for a bunch of complaining? On the good side: I'm working on a new sock. I have a (very) rough timeline for when Ranger Man might be coming home. I'm a little bit ahead in my readings for class. Oh- and it looks like I may get to teach one class during the fall! yay!

Gratuitous Adorable Webster Picture (From us taking a nap a couple weekends ago)
Edit: You can totally see the thumb on his paw in this picture. My cat is cool because he has opposable thumbs!



One more day and it's the weekend! Finally!

Warm Fuzzy of the Day

In my inbox this morning:

"you are worth it and are deeply deserving of whatever love i can give you."

Awww.

I do love that man, even if he does seem to have a vehement opposition to capital letters.

My Heart Day. Complete with Camel.

Before he left, I told Ranger Man to keep his eye out for Camel Yarn (i.e. yarn made from camel hair/fur/coat/whatever camels have). It's supposedly soft, and I know it's expensive. I've never actually seen it in person, although I've seen it on websites etc. I was obviously kind of joking because the idea of a bunch of guys in ACUs with big guns hanging out at a market (ah-sooq) looking at yarns... hehehe. That's cute.

He said he got me something for Valentine's Day. What a guy. He also let it slip that it was yarn. That's not too surprising. Christmas and my birthday weren't too long ago, I have wishlists set up at The Loopy Ewe and Woolgirl, which he knows about... and really? me? yarn? no brainer. He's not completely dim.

So I knew I had a package coming, and that it wasn't coming from the far-off-land where he is. None of my letters have gotten there yet, so I've stopped sending him stuff because I am worried there's some sort of mail black hole where he's been- it's been a long time, and I don't think he's that far out in the middle of nowhere that it would take this long. So I'm not sending anything else until he gets something. So I confirmed that he didn't send me something from there because it may never get here.

I got a notice from UPS on my door yesterday that I had a package in the office waiting for me. Yay! My Valentine's Day package. But weird. None of the places that I usually buy yarn from ship with UPS. huh. So naturally I took my lunch break today to come home and pick up my package. It was from yarnmarket.com. I've never shopped from them before- and I kept trying to think if I'd ever even showed him that website before. Nope, I didn't think so.

It's not that long of a drive from the office to our apartment (even though there are 9 speedbumps. 9.), but it was AWFUL! I wanted to know what was in that box so badly! I kept reaching out to touch the box as though I could feel it through the cardboard. Good grief I'm weird some times.

I got home and opened the box immediately! It was two skeins of Snow Leopard Trust "Handspun Camel" in a green color called wasabi. Of course green- my favorite color, even if I can't wear it (probably because I can't wear it). He knows me well. The best part? Well, besides the fact that he actually got me Camel yarn, and spent all the time finding it on his own (I wonder if any of the other Rangers were looking over his shoulder while he was looking at yarn online)- is that the money from the yarn goes back to the community where the camels came from and the yarn was spun. Sweet and socially conscious. I love it. Maybe this weekend if the severe thunderstorms stop, I'll try to get pictures of it.

It was a very sweet Valentine's Day present.