Why is it that Army (or Navy, or whatever) wives are so uppity about girlfriends? Why is there this club that they think that are better than us because they have more rings than I do?
Granted, I have not walked down the aisle- but there are some very specific, very good reasons for that. My man doesn't want me to screw up school just to be closer to him (which is a wish that is very hard to comply with sometimes!), and my school and his job just never seem to be in the same place at the same time. At this point, we don't see a need to say "I do" and then get on separate planes and fly to separate parts of the country for months at a time so that his career can proceed and I can get my MA in something I feel is worthwhile. He told me the other day, "Babe, you're getting As on graduate level papers- I'm not your first priority right now, and that's okay." I don't honestly know if that is true, I mean yes - I did choose to go to school on an Island, but I also chose to be with the man that will always treat me the way I deserve to be treated, and I do everything in hopes of one day having a life together that is not only together, but mutually fulfilling. If I am miserable because I can't get a job that is decent because I didn't finish school, what kind of a relationship would we have? Same thing with him, if I had stayed, and not come here, I would not have wanted him to give up where he is right now in order to be around me a little more- that just doesn't make sense to me.
So I go through the deployments, and there are many for Ranger-Men... and I do everything that they do, only I don't actually get to say goodbye right before he gets on the plane. I have to do it over the phone. I don't get the support of an FRG, and I do it with the knowledge that I might hear about it on the news first if something bad happens to him. I do it without Health Insurance, and he does it without BAH. I don't think it matters as much to him- being married or single is just a box to check for him, but for me it is so much different. It is being ostracized, and looked down upon by people that were once in my very same position. If that's the way you have to act to be in "the club," I don't know that I want it.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Not fun.
Mr. Ranger Man leaving tonight for some super-secret Army schooling for the next five or so months. And then after that, he's PCSing to somewhere else Ranger-like... and it is absolutely killing me that I can't be there to help him and be with him for all of this. At school, as he told me last night, he not "authorized to have a family," so that's not too much different than now- except that he didn't have a home to leave all his stuff at- he's going from one barracks room to another to another, and darn it, my man needs a home! I knew that this part, him being on the mainland and me being here was going to be hard- but honestly, I don't know if I can do this- I want to be there for him, and I can't be if I'm going to school. I feel like this is ripping me apart.
Monday, September 24, 2007
?? I smell something fishy...
If you haven't read The Kite Runner, this is your official spoiler alert... Don't read if you want to be surprised be the book!
Okay, I smell something fishy in this article. Someone is being less than honest. Either this Afghan family is looking for a free ride out of Afghanistan along with their $10,000 paycheck, or there is someone that is seriously sick at the studio- There would be absolutely no way to take the rape scene out of the plot, it is the pivotal point in the story! Everything revolves around what happens after that point, so how in the world would they be able to take it out? I am not going to point fingers one way or the other, because I have no idea what the contract said, or whether the claim of not being allowed access to the story line beforehand is accurate- but still...
Okay, I smell something fishy in this article. Someone is being less than honest. Either this Afghan family is looking for a free ride out of Afghanistan along with their $10,000 paycheck, or there is someone that is seriously sick at the studio- There would be absolutely no way to take the rape scene out of the plot, it is the pivotal point in the story! Everything revolves around what happens after that point, so how in the world would they be able to take it out? I am not going to point fingers one way or the other, because I have no idea what the contract said, or whether the claim of not being allowed access to the story line beforehand is accurate- but still...
A happy sigh.
Although I try to be aware of it all the time, every once in a while it strikes me just how wonderful Mr. Ranger Man is...
I mean, really- I made a conscious decision to head off to grad school on an Island for two years- where I was 99% certain he was not going to be- Granted, he has no idea where he's going to be in the next two years either- but I was the one who made the more permanent, farther away, decision. And he is the most supportive person ever. What a guy. He is totally fine with the fact that I am living with 2 male housemates (or maybe the Big Bad Ranger Man doesn't feel he needs to be threatened by sailors... ), and I am surrounded by military guys not only physically (living right by MCBH), but also in class and just the fact that they are everywhere (and he knows my weakness for men in uniform), but he is okay with everything.
And that's not even coming close to mentioning how wonderfully patient he is with me. The relationships I've been in previously haven't exactly left me without baggage, and he waits patiently for me to figure out that he's different, and that is the conclusion that I always come to... I am constantly amazed.
How many guys out there would enter into a serious relationship, knowing full well that for at least the next two years actual physical proximity would be sporadic and uncertain at best- and still make me a promise to not leave and not cheat? I truly think that he is wondeful.
I mean, really- I made a conscious decision to head off to grad school on an Island for two years- where I was 99% certain he was not going to be- Granted, he has no idea where he's going to be in the next two years either- but I was the one who made the more permanent, farther away, decision. And he is the most supportive person ever. What a guy. He is totally fine with the fact that I am living with 2 male housemates (or maybe the Big Bad Ranger Man doesn't feel he needs to be threatened by sailors... ), and I am surrounded by military guys not only physically (living right by MCBH), but also in class and just the fact that they are everywhere (and he knows my weakness for men in uniform), but he is okay with everything.
And that's not even coming close to mentioning how wonderfully patient he is with me. The relationships I've been in previously haven't exactly left me without baggage, and he waits patiently for me to figure out that he's different, and that is the conclusion that I always come to... I am constantly amazed.
How many guys out there would enter into a serious relationship, knowing full well that for at least the next two years actual physical proximity would be sporadic and uncertain at best- and still make me a promise to not leave and not cheat? I truly think that he is wondeful.
Girlfriends are Vapor. Or Worse.
Sometimes, it feels to me like I'm vapor. I do not exist.
That is, as far as the Army is concerned, I might as well not be living and breathing, because they don't care. Why? Because I am "only a girlfriend." I am not a wife... which means if something happens to the love of my life... instead of the certain knowledge that someone will show up on my doorstep to tell me, I am instead faced with the possibility that if they get around to it, someone might call me and tell me. Is it any wonder that when Ranger Man was gone I compulsively checked the DOD casualty news releases?
On the other hand, I rarely volunteer the information to people that I meet that I am an Army girlfriend, and I NEVER volunteer that I am a Ranger Girlfriend. There is something in society that lets people sympathize with wives, and associate a sense of sacrifice and almost heroism (by association of the soldier-husband?) with the wife, but girlfriends- maybe because we haven't "closed the deal?"- are merely the barracks whores. And Ranger girlfriends... well, let's say that people think that I should come complete with my own stripper pole...
I hate being a girlfriend! So- does that mean that I should rush into a marriage, knowing full well that I won't be able to live with my husband for at least two years, in order to sooth my mind? Or should I wait, patiently, losing more and more of my mind with each deployment and becoming more and more of a recluse as I am unable to share this huge portion of my life with people for fear of the "looks." I feel like I want to get married, because I don't think that you can impose civilian ideas of conventionality onto Military marriages, but I also would really like to be able to live with my husband once we're married. Being together and being separated is really hard!
That is, as far as the Army is concerned, I might as well not be living and breathing, because they don't care. Why? Because I am "only a girlfriend." I am not a wife... which means if something happens to the love of my life... instead of the certain knowledge that someone will show up on my doorstep to tell me, I am instead faced with the possibility that if they get around to it, someone might call me and tell me. Is it any wonder that when Ranger Man was gone I compulsively checked the DOD casualty news releases?
On the other hand, I rarely volunteer the information to people that I meet that I am an Army girlfriend, and I NEVER volunteer that I am a Ranger Girlfriend. There is something in society that lets people sympathize with wives, and associate a sense of sacrifice and almost heroism (by association of the soldier-husband?) with the wife, but girlfriends- maybe because we haven't "closed the deal?"- are merely the barracks whores. And Ranger girlfriends... well, let's say that people think that I should come complete with my own stripper pole...
I hate being a girlfriend! So- does that mean that I should rush into a marriage, knowing full well that I won't be able to live with my husband for at least two years, in order to sooth my mind? Or should I wait, patiently, losing more and more of my mind with each deployment and becoming more and more of a recluse as I am unable to share this huge portion of my life with people for fear of the "looks." I feel like I want to get married, because I don't think that you can impose civilian ideas of conventionality onto Military marriages, but I also would really like to be able to live with my husband once we're married. Being together and being separated is really hard!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Pillow Shopping
Mr. Ranger Man has the most pathetic pillow I have ever seen. It is not much thicker than if he were to take his sheet and fold it in half a couple times, that would be about the thickness of this pillow. So he's depressed because even though he's back in the US, we're still not actually together, so when he goes to bed at night, all he has is this little pillow which is depressing anyways. So for about three weeks, I've been trying to convince him to get a new one, trying to tell him that it will help him feel better to be a little bit comfortable in his lonely bed in the barracks if he will just have a pillow that isn't depressing in and of itself.
The argument that I had to use was this: He's not buying a pillow for him, he's buying a pillow for us. I'm going to send him one of my pillow cases sprayed with my perfume, so it will smell like me, and it will be OUR pillow. And I told him to call me when he was at the store (I'm assuming he went to the PX) picking it out, so we could pick out OUR pillow together.
What an ordeal! He called me and just by the way that he answered the phone I could tell that something was wrong, he was all sorts of bumming about having to buy a pillow for himself, and trying to get him to describe the pillows to me was like pulling teeth ("they look like pillows" is not helpful!) Anyways, somehow "we" managed to pick one out... so Mr. Ranger Man now has a new pillow. I'm hoping that being comfortable at night will help him to feel better about being by himself. Although, we've never really actually been together, so I have a hard time determining what the problem is- sure, we've spent a weekend together here and there, but never for any protracted length of time... so this should be what we're used to, right? He just wants to be with me as much as he can, and I can't say that I blame him for that, I miss him too!
The argument that I had to use was this: He's not buying a pillow for him, he's buying a pillow for us. I'm going to send him one of my pillow cases sprayed with my perfume, so it will smell like me, and it will be OUR pillow. And I told him to call me when he was at the store (I'm assuming he went to the PX) picking it out, so we could pick out OUR pillow together.
What an ordeal! He called me and just by the way that he answered the phone I could tell that something was wrong, he was all sorts of bumming about having to buy a pillow for himself, and trying to get him to describe the pillows to me was like pulling teeth ("they look like pillows" is not helpful!) Anyways, somehow "we" managed to pick one out... so Mr. Ranger Man now has a new pillow. I'm hoping that being comfortable at night will help him to feel better about being by himself. Although, we've never really actually been together, so I have a hard time determining what the problem is- sure, we've spent a weekend together here and there, but never for any protracted length of time... so this should be what we're used to, right? He just wants to be with me as much as he can, and I can't say that I blame him for that, I miss him too!
Yay, a Knit-along!
I'm participating in a knit-along, I'm very excited about it... It helps to hear from someone every once in a while who doesn't think you're "just a girlfriend," and especially not just a Ranger girlfriend... which apparently are usually strippers. (Ranger Man pointed out the other night that I would have absolutely no clue what to do with a stripper pole... made me want to learn just to prove him wrong!)
Anyways.... I am totally stoked about the knit-along, and I can't wait to get started. I am forcing myself to finish my paper that is due today with the reward system... as soon as I finish writing about the archaic international treatise on international law, then I can go to the yarn store and get my yarn... I will not let Huig van Gruit keep me from my knitting!!
Anyways.... I am totally stoked about the knit-along, and I can't wait to get started. I am forcing myself to finish my paper that is due today with the reward system... as soon as I finish writing about the archaic international treatise on international law, then I can go to the yarn store and get my yarn... I will not let Huig van Gruit keep me from my knitting!!
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