Thursday, November 5, 2009

An Explanation

Where I've been/Why I've not been blogging/What's been going on:

I think I was almost afraid to blog about it (and really to talk to anybody blog-related) because for the last year so much of this blog has been Ranger Man-related and Georgia related. I think I was afraid that somehow the blog would implode without those things. But the fact of the matter is that, like my life, this blog started before Ranger Man and will continue beyond Ranger Man. So in order for my life, and this blog, to move forward, the events and feelings that I've been not sharing for the past 6-9 months need to be shared.

We all know that I moved literally across the Pacific Ocean and then across the ENTIRE United States to be here with Ranger Man and get married and have a family. We also all know that Ranger Man isn't a fan of that idea. What I've not outlined is that the longer I've been here, the less amenable to that outcome he has become. This isn't one of those things we can compromise on. Me being here for a year was the compromise and that has come and gone- and now it's time for me to do the same.

There's no hostility, there's no animosity- in fact, we're still ostensibly "together" until I actually leave, but leave I will, and soon.

I've been putting together application materials to apply to further grad programs back in the PNW so I can get on with my life. I thought about staying here, at my job, for a while longer to save money- but the fact of the matter is that I need to get away from here to heal. It's very hard to heal when I come home to him every night, or even just come home to the apartment that he pays for every night. I want to move on.

So, this blog in the coming days will continue to be about my knitting (of course), finishing up that darn thesis (of course), and my life (of course), but my life now is in transition and will consist of moving across the country, again, applications processes (which will probably include some rejection but hopefully some acceptance as well), saying goodbye to Georgia and saying hello to my hometown and my old job.

Plus- I get to experience real seasons again, which I'm indescribably happy about. It's going to by wool weather FOR REAL there! For the obligatory knitting picture of the day:

IMG_0129

A pair of plain vanilla socks, knit on size 1s with Hazel Knits Artisan Sock in the Chuckanut Drive Colorway. Ironically, this was my "coming to Georgia" yarn- I got it while I was still living in Hawaii (but back home on Spring Break) because it reminds me of fall at home. Ironically, now they feel like my "going home" socks rather than my "coming to Georgia" socks. But I love the way that it striped in the end, and they are a perfect fit.

So, in summation of the above: Thanks for being patient with my not posting recently, but I needed a minute to figure out what was going on and to not feel like a jerk about it. My life is changing quite a bit coming up, and that will likely be reflected here. What is likely not to change is of course the knitting. Nothing that's happening is mean-spirited or hostile, but it is time to move upwards and onwards.

7 comments:

Holly S. said...

This makes me sad because I'll miss you when you leave. But I'm also proud of you for seeking out the future you deserve.

Cookie said...

Oh, honey, I am so sorry that things did not work out, but I am very proud of you for realizing that it is time to move on with your life. You have to do what is best for you (and the little kitty) because no one will do it for you. Hang in there, sweetie. We'll be here when you're up to posting.

Lovely socks, btw.

xo

Bette said...

Things may not have turned out the way you'd initially hoped, but you did an awesome brave thing by giving it a shot. The people I really pity are those who never take risks and then spend the rest of their lives wondering "What if...."

Besides, what makes you an interesting person isn't Ranger Man or Georgia. It's you. (And the knitting, of course!)

I'm looking forward to reading about your new journey! It's a cliche to say you're young and have the best years of your life ahead of you, but dude, it's true.

KJ said...

Thank you guys, SO MUCH. You've said exactly what I needed to hear. I can't tell you how much your words mean to me.

You are awesome.

RazorFamilyFarms.com said...

All of us at knitting circle will miss you but I have to say that I think you are making the right decision in returning to the Pacific Northwest. Putting some physical distance between your life here and your future endeavors will help you heal. Hold your head high because you took some huge risks by coming to Georgia and have clocked some great life experience which has hopefully shown you what the rest of us see when we look at you: a beautiful, talented, and intelligent woman who embraces life's challenges with grace and enthusiasm.

I can't wait to read about your upcoming adventures! Remember that the best truly is yet to come.

loquita said...

What Bette says is always perfect, somehow, isn't it? Sorry I'm so late seeing this, just wanted to let you know I'm out here sending you virtual hugs.

And if you need a weekend away, you are welcome to pop down to Camp Swampy for a visit. I would welcome a knitting lesson, since I was recently defeated by a very simple dishcloth pattern. :-p

lauriec said...

I'm sorry I'm just reading this now. I was wondering where you were tonight.

I will miss you & am so very sorry you're going through this.

Lacey raises a great point in that you took a risk coming here. So many people never take risks in their lives. To me, that's sad.

Best of luck to you!