Monday, November 23, 2009

Hard Day

Since Ranger Man is on block leave and his parents are coming into town later this week... I needed to get the heck out of dodge. I knew it was especially bad when I not only talked to my mother about it, but was actually bawling on the phone to her a couple weeks about how much I didn't want to have to deal with his mother. So she bought me a plane ticket to come home for the week, and the journey started today.

There's not a lot of time between now and Ranger Man's next deployment, and that time is going to be filled up with a lot of long training days. I think it really dawned on him in the last few days that I really am leaving. Maybe not, maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part (hey, I can still want to be missed, right?). Last night, when I was packing, he was clearly upset- although when I questioned him about it, he said it was about work. Whatever.

He dropped me off at the airport early this morning, and it was really hard. Much harder than I expected. I had tears rolling down my face before he pulled away- as much as I know that this is the right decisions, that doesn't mean that I want him to just let me go. He kept saying how much he was going to miss me, blah blah... and then he just let me walk into the airport.

Until I left Atlanta (after my connecting flight), I was in tears pretty much the whole time. I suppose it's good, because I'm finally having a chance to mourn the relationship properly- but somehow that knowledge doesn't make it hurt less. I mean, I *knew* that he wasn't going to all of a sudden have a come-to-Jesus moment and realize that he couldn't live without me. And I also knew that even if he did, I still wouldn't stay. But it still aches that he's letting me walk away like this.

And, to top off the day, once I finally got here ( a mere 20 hours after I left this morning), I discovered that one of my biggest fears about moving home is, indeed, true.

I left 2.5 years ago... I'm pretty sure that my brother hasn't cleaned our bathroom since then. It's gross.

To end on a good note, though... I get to hang out with this guy while I'm home. He's not as good as Webster, but he comes in a close, close second: This is Jack.



loquita said...

I'm glad you are able to leave town and avoid the awkward situation with Ranger Man's parents... wish I lived closer and could take you out for coffee or a movie or something during this "transition" time. **hugs**

Enjoy your time with that cute pup. :)

Cookie said...

Thank goodness you won't have to deal with that woman!

I wonder if he is trying to not make this harder than you than it already is. It's not the same as being asked to stay, but, in the long run, it is better for you.

Wanting him to still want you is totally normal and natural. Although, his not wanting you is proof that he is just not the right man for you. Who wouldn't want you and Webster?! Hello!

Mourn the relationship and start thinking about moving toward the next part of your life, sweetie. Oh, and smack your brother for not cleaning that bathroom. Ick!