Monday, April 20, 2009

Not good enough.

After some sort(s) of epic misunderstanding(s), I finally managed to get on the FRG list. I've been here since July, and just now, mid April I'm finally hearing from them. I'm not too mad about that, like I said, misunderstanding characterized me and Ranger Man's understanding of whether I even wanted anything to do with the FRG, so I can't very well expect the Army to have things better under control than us, right?

So I get a call today. From someone who was much more upset than I about me not having heard from anyone. None of this is bothersome to me- it's nice to finally have someone I can call if something goes wrong, or potentially someone to talk to if I need to.

At the end of our conversation, she asked if I had any questions. The main reason I needed to have FRG contact is that I need to know when Ranger Man is coming home, and he's not really able to tell me that over an unsecure means of communication. So I asked what the process was for that. Note, this person was very nice, and it's not her fault she had to ask the question but, she had to ask...

"so, are you engaged, or are you just dating...?" to which, what am I supposed to respond? I don't even know what we are, I just say it's "rather complicated" to which she replies that I should be able to go to the meeting when they talk about when the guys come home. Probably.

I feel ill. Because we're not married, I may not get to find out when he's coming home. And I feel... ashamed... at not having a good answer for the "what's your status" question. The woman I talked to on the phone admitted that I'd been here longer than she had- but I'm not legitimate enough for someone to tell me when he might be home again because I don't have a flipping ring.

I know, logically, that she said that I probably would be able to go to the meeting. So it's probably a moot point. But it's not- because the potential was there, and because I am so embarrassed. I understand exactly why it's a potentiality, and for security reasons, I'm glad those rules are in place. Still, it hurts. Like the other wives are automatically good enough, but I have to somehow prove myself, and I don't even have anything to do so with- I couldn't even authoritatively say I am "engaged," because really I'm not.

Again- it wasn't the person I talked to's fault, if anything, she made it sound a heckuva lot less bad than it actually is. It's the situation I'm upset with, not the person...
I am so sick of this right now.


Bette said...

It's so frustrating to have your commitment whittled down to whether there's a ring or not. I think the military unwittingly encourages a lot of rushed, crappy marriages (which subsequently end in divorce) instead of letting people take their time and make that decision when it's right for them. And sadly, with all the Army's got on its plate right now, I don't see this changing anytime soon. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Tiffany said...

I totally know the feeling... and it sucks. Hang in there though and know the support you give Ranger Man doesn't need an accompanying ring to make you 'good enough' to receive the same information a wife would. You do the same for him any "wife" would and you by no means need to prove yourself for the fact you are a girlfriend. I hope that you do get to attend the meeting and get the information about when they come home because you definitely deserve to. Things will work out!