Friday, November 30, 2007

Dare I start Hoping Again?

Christmas. I may get to spend my first Christmas (and birthday) with Ranger Man. Supposedly, his leave form has been approved and his plane tickets purchased... Last weekend was so beautiful, it was so nice to be with him, that I am terrified to get my hopes up- the Army does like to play little jokes on people you know, or change their mind...

I love Christmas. I think it may have something to do with the fat that my birthday is the day before... so I have been ind of forced into the rold of Christmas nerd all my life, but it is a role I do so enjoy. I love the smells and the tastes of Christmas, I love how everyone is happy to see people that they might not normally be happy to see. I'm not particularly looking forward to doing all of this on the Island... but having Ranger Man here, that might help. A lot. I am just afraid to be excited about it.

On another note... yesterday he was filling out some sort of form while he was on the phone with me. And the "Marital Status" box was there... I told him that he was very single. He didn't quite understand... and then it occurred to me why it is much more important to me to get married sooner rather than later, and why he has the luxury of time.

For him, all that will change is that his paycheck will get bigger (and probably he will simultaneously have more thins to spend that paycheck on, but that's another story). But other than that, there are no tangible benefits for him... He will have health insurance whether we are married or not. He will always know where I am, married or not and will always have access to people that know where I am, married or not. He doesn't get a little card identifying him as being married. He can go to the commissary whether we are married or not. I know that all of those things shouldn't matter. I know that in the long run they don't (well... knock on wood with the health insurance thing), and truthfully, until his next deployment, it doesn't matter to me. But what happens then? What happens when I finally don't have to be on this Island anymore... my parents have kicked me out of the house- I literally have no place to go. Oh wait, they did say I could stay in the travel trailer. In the winter. In Washington. Right. I think because my life is so unstable and uncertain right now... it does mean more to me. I recognize that it is because of the fact that I am homeless, etc... and that all of those do not a reason to get married make... but it is always comforting to at least know the source of your issues.

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