Thursday, June 12, 2008

Tactile Memories

I don't think he knows this, but before he deployed last year, and when he wasn't looking, I would just watch Ranger Man, trying to memorize everything about him and trying to make a memory that would last for as long as the deployment plus however long it took for me to be able to see him after the deployment.

Tonight, I am trying to sleep (which is obviously not working as I'm blogging instead), but all I can think about is how I know he's sleeping, but that I want to be watching him sleep. That I am missing out on that time to make that memory to tide me through the deployment. We didn't think we'd have a deployment since I last saw him, so I didn't do that. Now instead of seeing him in less than a month it could be another year or so before I see him and I am really feeling the loss of that memory making time.

Yes, I have pictures, but I have nothing left that smells like him (the clothes he left here in January have long since lost their man-scent). I don't have the full tactile experience of sight smell and touch to make that wonderful memory. Luckily, my old memory is only a year old, so it will have to suffice. And you better believe that there will be full tactile experiences when he comes home!

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