He knows me so well...

From a conversation last week:



Me: I don't remember how to get to the airport

Ranger Man: Okay.

Me: That could be a problem for you.

RM (calmly): Okay.

Me (increasingly frustrated): It could be an awfully long walk home for you if I can't remember how to get there!

RM: Babe, by the time I get on the plane, you will have mapquested it 5 or 6 times, and probably practiced packing your purse twice for the trip. I'm not worried.

Me (rather sheepishly): good point



It's a 15 minute drive to the airport. Maybe. Maybe only 10.

So far, I haven't practiced packing my purse, or mapquested it. But that's just because I know there's lots of signs for how to get there. And I've still got some time.

Terrorism = Piracy and Slavery?

President Bush made a comment at the UN last week that's been bugging me.

I usually try to keep politics out of this blog, but this isn't really politics- it's more fundamental than that.

Speaking to the leaders of the world, President Bush said it is necessary to show that, "like slavery and piracy, terrorism has no place in the modern world."

That really worried me. The terrorism that we have experienced in the past few decades is absolutely nothing like slavery or piracy.

Firstly, as a matter of fact- piracy is obviously not eradicated, or even hidden from the United States as the USS Howard is currently pursuing a hijacked ship off the coast of Somalia.

That just seemed like a factual error to me. More disconcerting was comparing terrorism to slavery. Slavery was widespread, government approved and indeed part of the foundation for the economic system of mercantilism. It was accepted. It was legal. It was not just condoned, it was pursued enthusiastically by government agents. Obviously that changed, but these were the foundations of slavery in the early modern era.

Terrorism, on the other hand is illegal. That is a fundamental difference. Terrorism is a political tactic used by fringe groups to gain recognition and support. It seems to undermine politics and economics rather than support them. These are all fundamental differences. Terrorism has never been legal. Slavery certainly was (3/5 of a person, anyone?). Terrorism has never been the foundation of economics for major powers. Slavery was.

Obviously the president wasn't going for that much analysis, but I think that it does history a disservice when false analogies are drawn.

Hopefully I'll feel less bothered about it now that I've gotten it out of my system.

Question of the Day

How is this possible:

There's a gas station I pass on my way to/from work. It's been out of gas for the past three days. Three days ago the price of gas there would have been $3.99. Today, the cost was $3.89.

How does the price of gas go down amid a shortage?

Thank you

Thanks to the commenters (why is spell check saying that's wrong?) on the post from the other day. Cookie, Loquita and Rebecca- you guys are awesome and I'm so appreciative.

You're right. They're bad news bears and I don't need them. I'm not sure of the exact course of action I'll take in the long term. But it's not going to be all-inclusive, if you know what I mean.

In the meantime, I need a sign to hang over my desk at work that says "If you come into my library to ask me a question and don't care enough about your question to ENUNCIATE it, I am unable to assist you. Come back when I have bionic ears. Thank you and have a nice day." Do you think my boss would mind?

(The southern drawl/mumble combination is incomprehensible to my west-coast-hippy ears. I can't help it, I haven't got a clue what they're saying to me)

Oh, and I'm done with the first set of diamondy-pattern on my Juno. I'm at the middle part of repetition. At least some progress is being made!

Facebook again- the bane of my existence?

I've blogged about my struggles with Facebook. Here and here. The concept is difficult for me. This is another post about that, and about stupid High School drama. It's long and ranty. This is for me to write down and hopefully feel better about, dear Readers, so there's no knitting, very little mil-girlfriend content. Read at your own (boredom) risk.

I hated high school, with a passion. To the extent that I got out as soon as I could, which in my state meant that I could leave after my sophomore year and attend community college full time. I took this opportunity for the state to pay for my college and from that point on, I didn't take any more classes at my high school. One of the reasons- the primary reasons- for this was all of the awful high school politics and drama that accompanies teenage girlhood. I was sick of it. I was tired of the people that were supposedly my friends making me feel bad about myself, and I was tired of being one of the "mean girls." And yeah. I was. It was ugly.

So I left. And I was kind of ostracized by my 'friends.' I know, I know- if there were so bad that I wanted to leave, why would i still want to be friends with them? That was the conclusion I eventually came to, but it's taken me since high school to come to that conclusion. All I knew is that I could no longer get anyone to return my calls, and I whenever I did manage to get myself invited to an event I felt like a slut (the virgin slut is a truly malicious creation that exists purely for the entertainment of high school girls). But it hurt.

I also have trust issues. Reading this blog may make that apparent. Even before all this crap with my parents I have had problems trusting people. I don't know if it was this way before these girls treated me this way or not, but I know it has been since then.

But I grew up and I came to the conclusion that, after all, I could have tried harder to fit back in with them, whether I feel that should have been required or not. I came to the conclusion that not being constantly exposed to the high school harpies made me a better person and I was okay with it.

Enter Facebook. Holy crap do I hate facebook sometimes. It makes me deal with these unresolved issues.

And also- how did I still remain a gossip topic after not having talked to ANY of these girls (there were five of us in our group) for FIVE YEARS? get a life people!

Ranger Man and I happened to run into one of them the weekend before he deployed two summers ago. She and her husband (I think I may have introduced them, actually) were having dinner and so were Ranger Man and I. They gave me their phone numbers- but it was right before a deployment and leaving for grad school and I didn't want to introduce any more drama. So I didn't call them, but I felt bad because she made an effort, and after all- wasn't that what I said I wanted all those years? So I started it, and I sent her a message on Facebook. I opened Pandora's box.

She wrote back once or twice, but after that I didn't hear from her and it wasn't that big of a deal. No guilt on my end- it was okay. Then the parents situation happened and all of a sudden I was getting messages from another one of them, and then another (that's three of the four, for those that are keeping track). I suspected at the time it was because they heard about my parents. I suspect more strongly now, due to some of the things that have been said.

I don't know how I feel about that. On the one hand, I guess it's fantastic that they found out I was going through something and decided to reach out. On the other hand, when I broke off an engagement and moved back in with my parents (which apparently they all knew about?!), I heard nary a word. So far the ones I had heard from are the ones that it was easiest to justify. The ones that I personally had spent the least amount of time and energy on trying to contact and talk to and hang out with during high school. In short, the ones that I felt less personally slighted by. So I talk to them, because I think their hearts are in the right place, and I think that I feel appreciative for the support.

Today I got a message from the last of them. The one that actively wouldn't return my calls. The one that would say rude things about me to my face. The one that hurt me the most there at the end. Today. Not six months ago when I needed to know that people cared, today. And today I am feeling the hurt and the rage and the indignation all over again. (Yes, I hold grudges).

I don't really think I want to talk to her. She has an ability to make me feel badly about myself. She always has to be the best at everything (which means I am bad at everything by comparison), and I don't know that I need those feelings right now. I love my life, and I love where my life is going, but I know for a fact this person is the least likely to try to understand the lifestyle choices I've made. And misunderstanding in her book has always led to put-downs.

But maybe that's all in the past. It was what, eight years ago since sophomore year of high school? Maybe I'm being too harsh. Or maybe I've learned my lesson.

It is days like this that I really hate facebook.

ahh, he's growing up!

My lil bro is a really cool kid. Not cool like hip/with it or whatever lame term signifies fleeting popularity, but cool as in mellow, deeply caring and intelligent.

Unfortunately for him, he's also got a healthy dose of teenage boy apathy/lazy. When he applies himself, he does great work, but you generally have to ask him to do it. He doesn't complain. Every once in a while, something will irk him and I see a teeny bit of something inside of him that lets me know that this mellow and chill dude is actually related to me, but for the most part he's extremely level-headed. This was (and is) frustrating to people like me who like to overract periodically.

Lil Bro graduated from HS this past spring, and he had been taking a few classes at the local tech college for his senior year alongside his last HS requirements. He's starting regular college (i.e. not running start college), and he's going to buy my car from me so he can be mobile.

One of the things that has seriously freaked me out about my parents is what it's going to do to lil bro. I just don't want him to feel like he is stuck taking care of one or both of them and that coming at a great cost to him. On the other hand, as far as anyone can tell, he was not bitten with the same "change the world in a big way" bug that I was, and maybe my parents --read "my mom"-- will respect that he's a person in his own right and doesn't need to be taking care of his adult and fully functional parents. We'll see.

I'm just very proud of the man that my lil bro is working towards becoming and every time I talk to him I am more and more impressed with what a together kid he is.

//end gush here.

Sock Club Round One

We all know that I like knitting socks. Now I like knitting lace too, but that's another post.

I heard about the Wollmeise sock club and I thought I would enter, because it seemed like a monumental occasion, and an opportunity to get some great sock yarn. I didn't really think I'd get in, and I didn't on the first lottery round, but somewhere in the subsequent lottery rounds I did get in. There was a little debating about cost, but Ranger Man said that I ought to go ahead and do it, and with that large of a yarn purchase I deferred to his judgment.

The rest of this post shall be pictures. They are close in color, although I really couldn't catch the true vibrance.

The draw back to never seeing your boyfriend.

Not last spring but the spring before (I think), Ranger Man was involved in creating one of the Army Strong commercials. Involved meaning- he was one of the "Army dudes" they used in the commercial. Does that make him an actor? Anyways, I remember we were talking while they were filming, and I remember him talking about the commercial when it came out. I could have sworn that he told me it was the one where they're all jumping out of the plane- you know, you see them walk out one by one?

Before his last deployment, we were in a movie theater watching the last Spiderman movie and one of the Army Strong commercials came on in the preview- he audibly sucked in his breath "You've got to be kidding me!" and I was totally stoked because my boyfriend was about to be on the big screen! It wasn't his commercial, but it was still pretty cool.

I have been thinking for TWO YEARS that when I see that commercial I am seeing his butt. The one where they're all jumping off the plane. Keep in mind I've seen him in uniform for a grand total of three times, total, the entire time we've been together. But it looks like his backside, it does! I haven't had a tv for the last year, so when I saw the commercial online today, I was so so so excited. Of course Ranger Man wasn't answering his phone, so I tried a couple of times and then left him a super excited message, "Oh my gosh, I just saw your butt!"

He finally listened to the message and his response was, (and I quote) "wtf?" "what commercial." yeah. that's not his, apparently his face is in whatever commercial he's in, which leads me to believe that I haven't actually seen his commercial. I've been checking out someone else's butt for two years. He'd only told me over the phone, we'd never seen it together, because we never see each other! grrr!

He told me that it wasn't him and I literally burst into tears.

It's not that it's that big of a deal, I know, but we're in the less than three week window and I'm just about done with this whole TDY thing. I'm over it, I just want it to be done. I'm trying to deal with (or avoid, I can't decide) whatever drama my mom is trying to drag me into right now, I've got the work stuff I'm dealing with, I'm overwhelmed with school and I am completely at that stage where all I want is a hug. Seeing what I thought was him today, and then finding out that it wasn't actually him... it crushed me. That might be a sign that I need to go back to bed. If we saw each other more often, I would have known that wasn't him and there wouldnt have been such a let down.

I may be hormonal.

Juno Regina

I've been working on the same three knitting projects for what seems like forever. It's been almost a month. For someone who's used to churning out a pair of socks in a week, this seems like forever. The combination of having multiple WIPs (works in process), and starting school has meant that my knitting productivity seems to be diminishing. That's all right though, I have been bitten by the lace bug and I am loving it.



My in process and obviously un blocked Juno Regina. (Please disregard the lifelines, I'm liking lace, but I'm not that good at it yet and the lifelines have lived up to their name a couple times). I'm using KnitPicks Shadow, and my ravelry page reminds me I'm using size 4 needles (options).

I'll have more yarn tomorrow. Right now I'm three hours ahead of Super Secret Army Land time and I'm waiting for half an hour before I can call and wake Ranger Man up. I think it's important for him not to get too used to sleeping in because I can't do it, and he hates it when I get up and let him sleep in the morning and he wakes up and I'm not there.

On the bright side, now that my health insurance (that is exorbitantly expensive, good grief!) has kicked in, and the wonderful pills that help me sleep at night are again on my bedside table. I think I got my first good night's sleep all year last night and I am happily rejoining the land of the living (good bye zombies, it has been nice living in zombie-land with you for the past six months, but it is time for me to move on!). On the other hand, I think whoever invented the speculum was a sadist.

Have a great weekend everyone!

sad and frustrated.

So, I work at a small 2-year college. Well, the campus I am at is small. When I interviewed over the phone and they described the school to me, "disadvantaged" was the word used to describe the students. They weren't kidding when they said that a good number of the students had never used a computer before. We're talking basic don't know the difference between right click and left click/how to cut and paste type of stuff here.

Which is really cool- the school has a philosophy of eliminating the barriers to a college education and helping all students succeed. That is awesome, and something I can really get behind.

The problem is that some students really can't succeed in college. It's just not possible. There's not a way to really draw the line and say, um, really you shouldn't be here... but I spent two hours with a student today trying to get through the process of registering for her classes. Not actually thinking about which classes to take, simply logging into her account and transcribing the class information that her advisor had written on the form. TWO HOURS. That's not even doing any thinking work related to school, merely trying to register. It wasn't altogether a computer skills deficiency, as she definitely had the clicking basics down (gah! clicking a million times does NOT make it go faster! chill!), it was the little things like figuring out what her social security number was- I had reset her password to the last (certain number redacted for security) digits of her social. I told her, your social is 9 digits long, take of the first (certain number) and type in the rest... couldn't do it. and then, couldn't figure out what I was saying when I was telling her that in copying the section number from the advisor written form, she had added a digit. She just couldn't understand what I was saying, couldn't conceptualize it, or refused to actually turn on her ears and listen - I'm not sure.

It was so frustrating, for me - it had to have been frustrating for her too, right? (she's a returning student, keep in mind she's had to do this process before) If she has this much problems simply registering for the classes, how on Earth does she think she's going to actually complete the classes? I'm a pretty patient person, but she had completely pushed my buttons.

There's really no point to this tirade other than to vent. It's frustrating because, as much as I'm there to help students succeed, there's just only so much I can do. There's only so much the institution can do, and there is a certain threshold that needs to be met before the institution can even begin to meet the needs of the student. At what point, after how many Fs, can you tell a student that they're just not cut out for this? It's frustrating and it's sad.

What a bummer day.

On the bright side, Webster is getting way more comfortable in the apartment, just in time for Ranger Man to come home and throw off our routine!

Protocol...

I went to Starbucks today. I had been going there often when I first moved here as kind of a homesick sort of thing, but since Webster got here, and I started paying for Webster, I was less homesick, and my coffee money is going to cat food.

But I went in this morning before work because I haven't been feeling so hot, and there's just something about strong coffee and espresso that makes me feel better. I was standing in line and all of a sudden in through the door to stand directly behind me is someone who is obviously a Ranger in the Regiment. Rangers are distinctive, even if you can't see their oh-so-hot tan berets. Their unit patches denote that they are part of a much smaller group of people. So I know this guy was at Ft. Lewis for a while and now is stationed here in the regiment. Small world. He probably knows Ranger Man. So I'm ogling his shoulders, trying to be discrete, but it was pre-coffee, so I'm sure I didn't do much good... and I'm thinking to myself that I should talk to him and tell him why I'm ogling. But, what do I say?

I'm not a wife, and not knowing this guy, I don't know how he feels about girlfriends. That was actually the first thought that went through my mind. I didn't feel like being belittled or trampified in my pre-caffeinated state. But then, I also am used to Mr. security conscious Ranger Man, who really is made largely uncomfortable talking about his job as a Ranger with others. So, I also didn't want to do that for him, in his pre-caffeinated state. Plus- what would I say, "so, you might know my boyfriend, Mr. Ranger Man" to which he would reply, "Why yes, I do know Mr. Ranger Man, but I haven't seen him around in a few months, where is he?" At which point I would be forced to divulge the location of Super-Secret-Army Land, which always makes me slightly uncomfortable, and I don't know how much this guy knows about Ranger Man's job.

Gah! So, obviously, I didn't say anything. I ogled. He put the tan beret on and I melted and thought "ahhh, so unfair!" and he opened the door for me and we both left. I called Ranger Man, who did indeed know the man behind me in line, and didn't seem to realize the conundrum of to talk or not to talk to the man behind me in line that I had been placed in.

Oh yeah, and to compound the situation, the guy out-ranked Ranger Man, so I was even more intimidated.

I think I'm glad that in that situation, everything can be blamed on the fact that it occurred BC- before coffee, so if I accidentally didn't follow the unwritten protocol, I have an out.

Boring Life

Ranger Man told me a couple days ago, "You haven't blogged in forever!" Apparently he's checking up on me now. : )

It's not that there's nothing going on- my Arabic class started, my online Art History class started (which I did mention), work's been going strong, but none of that really seems interesting and blog-worthy.

Ranger Man and I are in some sort of an almost-home lull, there's nothing interesting going on between the two of us either. I am so boring. Webster is being a pain in the neck this morning, but usually he's wonderful and having him here has quite the calming effect on me.

I've been working on the same three knitting projects for what feels like eternity, and I didn't even go to knitting group this week because of homework concerns, so I'm not making very quick progress. It's amazing how much school cuts into my knitting time!

I may possibly have something exciting happen today. I don't know yet, but if I have this opportunity, I'll definitely write about it. If I don't get in- well, don't expect much out of me tomorrow either, okay?

Because I am so incredibly boring, here's an old picture, from Webster's first Christmas. He had just gone under the knife (he's neutered now), so he was still pretty out of it for Christmas. We travelled the two hours to my Parent's house (because it was still their house together then), where he met Jack the dog and mostly hung out under the Christmas tree while the effects of the drugs wore off.

If you only read one blog post today...

Please, please let it be this one.

I'm not saying that there is a shortage of poignant and beautiful writing on the internet today- because there is an abundance. But this... This is so important. Please.

I love online classes!

Multi-tasking is achievable, I can be involved in a discussion and knit, or post on my blog...

Good fun.

A sign that the Insomnia is winning

When you're driving home from work and up ahead on the sidewalk an old man is walking, slightly hunched so as to obscure from vision his head and neck... and you think,

"Oh, that poor old man doesn't have a head, how can he see where he's going?"


Good grief. I need to get some sleep.

Too much of a good thing.

I really hate that darn webcam.

It was cool in the beginning, but it's getting old, and we're both getting into that mid-TDY testy/pissy phase and the combination of being able to see each other for most of the day on the weekends, but not actually able to SEE each other... it's ugly. It's really ugly.

It has its benefits, yes- but those benefits are not universal, nor are they automatic. And I'm not talking about any hanky-panky (hehe, I kind of just wanted to say that...), but just the day to day. It's like we're almost together. Almost, but that last little bit is killer.

It may be time for a webcam hiatus.

librarian limbo

Librarians are weird. We're not quite faculty, but we're not quite staff either. We have to go to the faculty workshops, but it's not super important for me to learn about curriculum planning...

it's kind of strange.

Malabrigo

I'm excited to work with this:



I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it yet. Malabrigo Laceweight- Jewel Blue. yum.