Thursday, February 21, 2008


I haven't been posting... I try to avoid either (although I don't always succeed) whining, or alternately panic.

I did talk to my parents. I don't feel guilty about not speaking to them again, but other than that, there were no grand epiphanies or reconciliations. I am still upset and hurt and isolated and everyone that is personally dealing with it (i.e., not living on an Island) seems to be just fine. My dad and brother called again this weekend and I talked to them again. My mom called today and I ignored the call.

Partly because the quest for the Masters thesis is feeling like walking the plank of doom. This is the avoiding writing about panic part. Without the gory details... this process so far has made everything else about this horrid little Island seem like pieces of cake. I now officially have abandoned the PhD idea, academia is not my thing. I may teach high school or community college, but staying in 'real' academia will kill my soul. And quite frankly, I like my soul.

I have some choice words for some people in my program after this week, but since this is a public forum I will keep them to myself. But I have determined that as much as I hate everything about being here, I am not letting these people win. I will finish this degree and then I will get the heck out of dodge and never look back. But I will not let them win (and then add with a hint of resignation: at least not without a fight).

I've been knitting knitting knitting... Seeing as how nearly everything in my life that made any sense is now not making sense any more and disintegrating (read: everything by Ranger Man), knitting is the only thing I can do to feel like I'm being truly productive, so I am knitting with a vengeance.

Oh, and I started working too. data entry is a blast. But, no seriously, I'll soon not feel guilty about eating. Have I mentioned I want to get off this awful Island?

Oh... and there was no drinking. yet. mostly because I feel guilty about eating, drinking would make my feel really guilty... but I haven't. Just to clarify.

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