I got some bad news today.
My parents have been married for over thirty years. Yes, they had their difficulties and I would be the first to admit that I would never want a relationship like theirs, but it seemed that as odd as it was, it was obviously working for them. Last summer, my grandma (who had been dipping into the champagne at the time) proclaimed to me that they had "the greatest love story of all time." Since I had not been indulging in any sort of alcoholic beverage at the time, I knew right away that she was not entirely correct, but she had some good points- they like to do the same things, go hiking and riding their bikes. It seemed that they enjoyed doing those things together. And I knew that my mom liked to play passive-aggressive and my dad was less than sensitive most of the time, but it seemed to be working.
My mom moved out yesterday.
I'm sure I'll post more of the details, or maybe I won't... (this is the internet, after all)... but wow. I've been lamenting about how homeless I was because I didn't have any where to go. Now it seems that I would have a place to go, but no true home. But I don't feel that it's right for me to judge or condemn or even be mad because now I can never have my home-y Christmas anymore. I mean it's really their lives, right? If they're more happy apart then that's what's best.
Here I've been dreaming of getting married and having my own kids and what it would be like to take them to Grandma and Grandpa's. I feel like my dream is gone, my stability is gone, my home is gone. I'm an adult, for crying out loud. Some things are supposed to stay the same.
I'm afraid I don't know how to deal with this. I know that technically she could still go back, but somehow I have this feeling that it won't happen. I'm still trying to process what this all means, what effects it is going to have and trying to figure out why, if this is what they've chosen and it's obviously best for them, why I feel like I need to forgive them.